Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Single & Loving it - Don't try to have it all , just have a good life !!
Note- See the nice video at the bottom of post !
Lately ,I have been advised to reconsider my "singlehood" by several well meaning male friends through direct remarks ; I appreciate both their simple candour and genuine concern and I really do love them for caring, but I feel they just don't get me anymore !
Also, as is inevitable I suppose, I have been subject to subtle and not-so-subtle barbs about "settling down" and "growing up" , by both much-married and soon-to-be-married women , some of these women are not even really close to me , but they act as though it is one of their life's greatest achievements to have "snagged" a man and therefore their well-deserved right to talk down at any single woman.I really have nothing to say to such women, who I am sure care less about my future "loneliness" than about trumpeting their superior "femininity" , which obviously needs a man ( and later a child) to validate it. Because they seem to understand and care so little about me and my feelings, I feel absolutely no need to clarify and put forth my true opinions , and I simply avoid serious discussions with them.
Still , if these women want to delude themselves that all single women are secretly jealous of them and their fabulousness , they are welcome to entertain themselves, I might even play along till I get bored, YAWN !
Finding someone you are sure you like (with flaws and all) and want to spend the rest of your life with, and then having them feel the same way, is a rare and beautiful thing and no doubt an important milestone in a person's life. But in my opinion, to frantically seek a partner and then to hang on to him with fierce desperation, just because being single scares you, is - to put it mildly- unromantic and even slightly pathetic.
I definitely don't want to be in that kind of a relationship, if one can call it that, and frankly I see too many of these everywhere, to believe that a genuine relationship is as easy to find as these women make it sound , maybe my definition of a "real" relationship is simply different from that of other women.
I truly believe that in the sphere of romantic relationships things will happen if and when they are meant to happen, it is a highly personal thing and there is no point trying to pretend there is a formula that works for everyone - there is NO such formula.
At business and at work a certain amount of navigation and manouvering is required to get ahead , but when it comes to personal relationships I think these "scripts" fail.
Of course, worried parents and well meaning friends will always want to intervene and see if they can help things in some way and that is okay, to an extent. But, after a point when you have tried to explain your views over and over again, it gets a little wearisome and you begin to wonder why everyone is trying so hard to find some sinister (or sad ) story behind why you choose to be single .Why don't they want to believe that you are quite happy ?
The truth is simply that , I haven't come across anyone , with whom I can imagine creating a whole new kind of life . I am happy in my present single status, and busy trying to get some of my cherished dreams off the ground, why would I bring in additional complexity into an already tough and busy life , I don't think I have the required "bandwidth" ???
Not to mention , this isn't an irreversible decision and maybe in the future, when I am ready, I will find someone who is right for me. I have been in enough relationships to know what I want and I think , when I find it, I will know how to keep it, thank you!I am not insecure about my "lonely" future right now, and , how is a man going to secure my future anyway ? Can he really be everywhere with me or protect me from every calamity that strikes me?
Companionship ? Why can't I have a network of friends and other like-minded people, who care enough to be there for me in times of trouble, isn't that all one can hope for anyway ?
This is a choice I have made based on my priorities at the moment , I want my freedom to try and do all the things I dream of , and If I can't meet the right person along the way while being who I am and doing what I want to, well...I am quite happy to be by myself.
If that is making some people jealous and/or nervous, then they'll just have to learn to handle it !!
Meanwhile , I don't like being forced to constantly defend and argue my point fanatically, and I refuse to do so.
Here, enjoy the Video-
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